Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
