I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
