You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
