the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
