Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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