what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i believe in u and ur pee
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
