so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
