you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
