So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
