Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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