the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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