i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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