I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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