You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
