so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
