a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
