She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
