And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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