It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
