I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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