Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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