Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
