I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
