this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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