She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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