I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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