i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
