I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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