I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
