Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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