i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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