I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
