Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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