I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
