Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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