he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
