i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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