Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
