He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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