I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
