dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
