Duck Duck Cougar?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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