Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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