I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dignity is for republicans.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
