and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
