I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
