walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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