We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
