Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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