There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
