I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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