My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want her autograph on my taint
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize