Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
