went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
