Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
