I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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