every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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