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can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze