then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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