the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will exercising make me less horny?
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