the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
